It has begun...

Eating tons all by herself, right after a great nap.
Tuesday, Dec. 21st

After writing the last post I have received a handful of questions wondering what I decided to do. Honestly, until yesterday, my choices/preferences were all over the map. Some days I was going to nurse her 'til who-knows-when, other days I was going to take a week off and let her wean herself. I have honestly been dreading weaning Savannah since she was born. I understand nursing isn't for everyone, but it was wonderful for me and Savannah and I put a lot of effort into preparing to nurse prior to her birth so I am very grateful we have gone these 17 months enjoying nursing. (Trust me, we had our days, but it was fabulous overall.)

I have been monitoring Savannah's whole milk intake and have been trying to give her all sorts of fun new stuff (peach flavored Kefir, chocolate coconut milk, you name it she has probably tried it, or carried it in her sippy at least). In the last week and a half she has increased her interest in whole milk. Whether she just decided I didn't have enough for her, she got sick of trying new things and chose the least odd thing, or she was just ready all of a sudden, I don't know, but she has started to take it from me even so we are pleased. This gave me the go-ahead.

Add to the mix that Savannah slept horribly, which is absolutely not normal for her, last week for a few days. Now I knew something had to change. Savannah was expressing increased separation anxiety and was extra clingy to me for the last few days as well. I could tell that our little "talks" about mommy milk going away and not having more to share were making her ask for milk more often and seeming to stress her a bit. So I had to build up my courage and just make the change. It took a few personal pep-talks and tears.

Yesterday marked the day that I could take time to fully focus on her and set a new routine. We are now in full swing. She is not nursing at all. She has a "snuggly" that we made a big deal of last night and she read three books before bed. She fussed when I left the room and she was just with Sky for cuddle-time. Overall it took 45 mins of crying on-and-off and going in to console her, but it was much better than the chaos I expected. I wasn't tempted to just give in and nurse, she actually didn't even ask (she signs "milk") as I held her, and she was able to hold on to her "snuggle" and sippy cup and soothe herself to sleep.

Not only is this a big transition for Savvy, but she is also ready for one nap rather than two. I've been balancing my days and just going with the flow and letting some days be two nap days and others be one nap days, but if we are going to mess with the system we need a set routine so she can expect and anticipate what is happening next. She is definitely a baby that generally lives by and needs routine. We have pulled that off today as well.

I'm happy to report that we survived last night without any battle wounds, thanks to Skyler and him waking with Savvy at midnight and 2 am for a few minutes each time, and today's nap has started out splendidly--hence the ability to blog. We did the same routine as last night for her nap by reading three books, grabbing "snuggles" and then singing one song. She fussed for less than one minute as I walked out of the room and has now been sleeping/silent for 30 minutes. It might seem silly, but this was a little miracle for us. Now that she has responded so well today I will have the courage to stick with it if tonight or tomorrow don't go as smoothly.

I know sleep schedules and routines aren't for everyone. For us, we have used the same routine with Savannah since she was 4 months old and never changed it 'til yesterday. It rocked my boat a bit, but I think the change will help her grow more and become a big girl. I just had to convince myself that it would be best for her and that I'm ready to let her grow up a bit. I think I am ready for that. . .

Savvy loves to help me in the kitchen--entertaining herself with the spices while I made dinner.
Sunday, Dec. 19th

It is funny how children affect us. As I was pregnant I was so scared to have a little baby that was so dependent on me. I had worked with toddlers and was comfortable with them, but infants were never my thing. I would joke with Skyler that I needed our Savvy to come out as a toddler. Now here I am, trying not to cry, because my little girl isn't a little baby anymore. She is a toddler in every way with her own opinions and thoughts and is ready to explore the world. Now I just want to hold her tight and keep her little for a bit longer.

Are we ready...?

This is a "ladies only" post if you are a guy and uncomfortable with breast feeding. Cause that is what this is all about.

I have found myself in a pickle with Savannah. You all know she is a light-weight and just plain skinny. She is average on height. She is doing great developmentally, so the doctor says there is no reason to be stressed about her weight, but there is a pressure to the whole deal for me.

I have nursed Savannah on-demand her entire life. And I still am. We night-weaned her about a month ago and it lasted about 2 or 3 weeks, but then we hit a bump in the road (cutting teeth) and reverted back to letting her nurse at night. I love nursing her but I worry that she is so insistent on nursing that she isn't getting the calories she needs elsewhere. She always carries a sippy-cup around with her, most anywhere she goes, but she only drinks from one if it has water in it. She hates everything else. She will take a sip of whatever the concoction of the day is, give a sour-faced expression, and then carry it around for the day without taking another drink.

I'm wanting to wean Savannah now for a few reasons, none of which I think are "selfish" on my part, but I don't want to take away the one thing she gets regular calories from. The trick is, I don't think I'm getting much milk these days, enough to satisfy, but not likely enough to keep up with the pace of growth that she should have at this point. But we both like nursing so much. It is a comfort for both of us and a bonding experience that I don't want to cut-off in a negative way.

That is my venting session and now I will get to the point. How did you decide to wean your children? I feel a bit stuck because Savvy hates bottles, never taken one, and she is picky about only drinking water, zero calories. On a lucky day she drinks juice that has been diluted with water, but never when I have mixed it with milk. Soy milk and rice milk don't have the necessary calories. She won't even taste Kefir. Coconut milk was good for two sips, but that is all. Chocolate and strawberry milk haven't passed the test either. What do you suggest I do to supplement her breast milk intake when we wean? Were your kids ever this picky? How do I get her to eat more from other sources?

I've never really planned to stop nursing at a certain age, but I'm worried that if I don't get her to drink something else she will not have the calories she needs. I don't want to give myself a deadline, but I'm afraid that the pressure of a deadline will help me feel motivated, but it might just make Savvy miserable. She doesn't usually have tantrums yet, but I really don't want this to be a battle of the wills cause it has been such an enjoyable experience for both of us.

You get the point. Now, what do you recommend?

Wisdom...

A large portion of what I believe is that there is great wisdom in the gospel that must be applied to everyday life. There are so many times I think to myself that I want to not only be smart, intelligent, and a good teacher, but I want to be wise in living my life every day. Today for FHE we watched this video clip and I felt overwhelmed by the comfort, strength,and truth that is available in the wisdom of the gospel. There is so much to study and learn, but so many clear and simple truths.

https://new.lds.org/general-conference/highlights/october2010?lang=eng

Refreshed...

Last night Skyler surprised me when he told me an hour ahead of time that he arranged for my sister and her boyfriend (Thank you!) to come watch Savvy so we could go out. I was very surprised---seriously, on a random Tuesday even? Skyler's original plan didn't come together so we just went without one, but that was the best part of it all. The most important things were covered, Savvy had a trustworthy sitter that we weren't putting out and I didn't even have to think about anything other than what to wear.

I felt so young and care-free just jumping in the car and deciding randomly what I wanted to do (my birthday pick). We bought cookies on a whim, bought popcorn and a lemonade, and enjoyed a movie in the theater just the two of us. It was good to think of me for a night without a guilty conscience or a budget. There has been a lot happening in our extended families lately and being home with Savvy and wanting to be a domestic goddess for Skyler makes me forget to think of what I want once in a while. So glad that Skyler takes the time to focus on me and spoil me on a whim. Couldn't ask for more.

Cute movie--some of it is all too funny and true.

There is a part of it though that we can't endorse ;)

Success...

Yesterday almost got the best of me. Some might argue that it did because...

1. I didn't make it to a Halloween activity for Savvy.

2. I resorted to turning on the tv for Savvy so I could respond to an email (I hate resorting to the tv).

3. I didn't get the house picked up before Skyler came home.

4. I didn't make dinner, Sky did. We had egg sandwiches. They were dang good. And only dirtied one dish.

Instead of doing these things I spent my entire morning at a car shop, the afternoon at the DMV, and the rest of the day responding to emails and phone calls that weren't planned. Some days you can't plan life.

But even though only the car was checked off of my list and I was feeling incredibly guilty about "ignoring" my amazingly patient daughter all day...there was a pay off.

We sat down to dinner, 2 hours late, and got ready for prayer. Savvy instantly put down her cup and folded her arms with a smile. That made me feel like I have actually accomplished a lot.

Popcorn...

It is one of my vices. I love popcorn, especially popcorn made at home on the stove. We have been out of popcorn for the last few weeks. Yes, that is a big deal considering I have been known to eat a bowl of popcorn several nights a week (don't ask about the size of the bowl). Now that we haven't had popcorn I have wanted it even more. There have been a handful of nights that I have considered running to the store, but then reminded myself that I don't necessarily need the calories so I have just guzzled a glass of water instead. I didn't realize the withdrawals I was experiencing until Sunday night. That night I probably fell asleep thinking about the salty-buttery-deliciousness that I crave, because around 2 o'clock in the morning I woke up Skyler in a panic. Was the baby crying? No. Was there a burglar? No. I said to him, in my sleep, "I need popcorn, can you get me some?" We both took a minute to come to. When we realized what had happened we chuckled, said "Really?", then we rolled over. Shortly after Savvy woke to save me from myself.

I bought a bag of kernels today. Hopefully we will all sleep more soundly.

Amazon...

I love amazon.com and I'm pretty sure I have shared that bit about myself before, so it comes as no surprise. But thanks to a tip from a friend we will now even be loyal to Amazon for Savvy's regular necessities through Amazon Mom. We just signed up this week, but my first purchase made it clear that it was awesome. You get 30% off of diapers and free Amazon Prime shipping, which is always only two-day shipping. Plus, you can have the diapers automatically ordered according to how often you go through a box. I'm pretty excited to not have to make a late night run to the grocery story for over-priced diapers. I will have a fresh box of diapers delivered to doorstep tomorrow. Sometimes you have to appreciate the little things!

Walker...

We have a walker on our hands. She is officially a pro. We aren't sure what triggered the sudden confidence, whether it was the hard-soled Sunday shoes or seeing all the other kids at church, but we are proud to say that Savvy has been walking solo all day today and yesterday.

Sunday

Monday

Can you believe this little girl is growing up?! All of a sudden I feel like I have a lot of memories to write down so I don't forget how darling she has been as our little girl. I must say, she is absolutely darling!

making zucchini bread Tuesday, September 21st

Well visit...

If your opinions of medicine and doctors are different than mine, please don't be offended by this post. I promise I respect you and your ways. This is a mommy-therapy session of sorts :)

Today Savannah has her first official doctors appointment since she was 2 weeks old. Judge as you will, but I promise she has all of her immunizations (that's another judgment call) and has been a healthy child. We haven't had insurance that would cover well visits for the last year and we did not want to spend $300 for a doctor to tell us she was healthy and then have her catch a cold from being in an office with sick children. But I know, she is little, and some days I was really close to spending as much as it would take to get a pat on the back from a physician, then I would take a deep breath and she would eat a ton and we were fine. I've always charted her growth, she has never lost weight, she has frequently been seen at a small clinic for immunizations, and I've always been aware of the developmental milestones in case there were to be a concern.

Background

In the hospital we had the most amazing perinatologist, Satish, that made me feel confident in being a mother. Then when Savvy was only a few days old we went to the pediatrician, of course the one recommended by Satish wasn't available, so we went to the one they put us with. She was a beast. Nagged me for giving my baby a pacifier, which I had requested against, but the nurse in NICU gave it to her and I wasn't about to take it away. Then she nagged me about not waking Savvy every 2 hours, when Satish had given me different instructions that I was following, and then she told me that my milk was great and my baby was healthy and gaining right on schedule. Yeah, I was confused too. And bitter. Then I asked around with my mom friends and heard their similar horror stories from appointments with this person.

Then at two weeks I thought Savvy had thrush so I took her in and requested a different doctor this time. They gave me Dr. Uphoff. She was decent, but again told me that my baby was little, yes I knew that, and that she needed to eat more. Okay, but I had just had a dietitian friend tell me that she was doing great. Then of course she said that her weight gain was right one schedule. Then the doctor told me that the thrush would clear up on its own by morning because it wasn't a severe bought, but then she prescribed medicine for Savannah to take several times a day for a couple of weeks. Why give her medicine if it is going to go away on its own? I wasn't sure, but I was a nervous mom so I bought it, gave the medicine to her twice and in the morning it was gone. Though I was told to give it to her for several weeks, I never did it again--judgment call.

So what does this all mean?! Doctors are human beings that judge frequently based on opinions and you need to find a right fit for you, your family and your ideals of medicine. I understand that opinions are a part of the medical field, but if it is just your humble opinion that I am a bad mother, keep it to yourself, because with the hormones raging in a new mother, there is no way the mother is going to feel adequate about herself and her skills if you tell her she sucks at it all.

Satish gave me the best advice: wake her gently to nurse, cuddle her, love her, and she will nurse when she needs it and monitor her growth. I did that. I have done that for 14 months now and I have a happy, social, smarty-pants, healthy, bundle of joy. Let's just hope the doctor today agrees with me.

The anxiety of being a mother can be so ridiculous some days. Please tell me I'm not alone in my stress ;)

Task at hand...

Today, while my baby does this,

I get to do this.

Four years of memories and "home" just waiting to be found!

Day at the farm...

Today Savannah and I were lucky enough to meet up with our friends at a local "farm". We met up with Starla and Natalie, Jackson, and "baby-boy Shirts". It is great to be near old friends again. We all met freshman year of college at BYU, but as the years have gone by I don't think we have gone more than a year between visits with each other.

Now we just need to convince Mollie, Molly, Eevi, and Suzanna to come back for a visit :)

Love you girls!

We had a great day at the farm, but it was even better to share it with good friends. Hopefully we can make it a habit to see one another often during our time in SLC.

The last year...

I'm not sure what it means that now that the general "struggle" of the last year is over I feel like crying about it. I figured that to help me get over it all I would write it down and consider the lessons learned.

So, to start...what in the world happened anyway? A lot of people have wondered and asked and others have just wondered silently and tried to figure it out from others. So here is the story. It starts in August 2007. Beginning of Skyler's 2L year of law school. Skyler interviewed in NYC, prior to his interviews there we were mortified of the city. We approached NYC as a back up plan, because going to a New York school can more easily get you in the door to a NYC firm. So, we interviewed there. We cautiously considered all of our options, west coast, east coast, any that came our way. NYC was the ticket, there was no way around it. We both felt like it was right. It was right, no questions about it. We found the right firm which we were also positive about, the guidance couldn't be denied. We knew were signing up for the best plan for us and our family.

Fast forward to the summer of 2008 in NYC for the firm internship. Skyler LOVED it. Loved the work, loved the people he worked with, we loved NYC, we were on cloud nine. We knew we would be in NYC for at least 3-5 years after graduation and that we would love all of the adventures and challenges. Skyler agreed to begin working for the firm he interned with after taking the bar and we felt a great deal of comfort that our plan was the best plan for us.

Fall 2008 came. The economy dropped. Curse the government, curse the US people, curse who you want, but it came and it happened. The outlook for new attorneys changed. The class of 2009 waited to hear from their firms as to what would happen. Some of our friends lost contracts right away, some were deferred, some were barely postponed. January 2009: we found out that we would be deferred until January 2010. No biggie, only three months off from the original date. We decided that in August we would leave most everything in NY in a storage unit and stay with family on the west coast until we started in January. It was great to think that we were taking Savvy to spend time with family before we set off on our NYC adventure. October 2009: we were told that we would begin "sometime during the 2010 year." March 2010: we received a message saying that our check was in the mail, so sorry, but it just wasn't looking good and they didn't have work for all of the attorneys they had committed to.

So of course, when crappy things happen the first things that cross your mind are why and what did I do wrong. But you can't dwell on those things. So we moved forward. Skyler was blessed to be working for a judge in Portland, OR during the time that he was deferred and the judge was pleased to keep him on while he looked for the next career move. We were staying with my parents during the deferral to allow Skyler to work with the judge, so there was no stress for a rent payment or the like. We were blessed.

We immediately got to work. We applied here and there and it seems like everywhere. Skyler has always been good at networking and was quick to be in touch with everyone he knows. He had connections to several places, about a dozen interviews and things were promising. Each month brought at least one new lead. All the time we did the footwork to find the right job for Skyler we also prayed that we were learning the right lessons along the way. Some days were harder than others and we reverted back to asking those "why" questions. Some days were daunting as we pushed forward. Some days were exciting as we considered the possibilities.

Come August we received an exciting offer for Skyler to work for the US Bankruptcy Court in Utah. He was thrilled! We moved the next week and he began working immediately. Skyler loves his job. The judges he works with are well-renowned and he is learning a great deal each day.

So from this quick log of events what lessons were learned? Honestly, I can't always remember, which means I probably failed to learn them properly. The greatest lesson I can think is to always stand as an advocate for your spouse. Skyler needed me during that time. I needed him.

January 2010

What other lessons did I learn?

1. Toughing it out can be tough and it is tougher when you think of it that way. Those were the rough days.

2. Follow your dreams, but also consider reality. This one sounds negative, but I promise it isn't. Think about it.

3. Serve as you go. We had so much more positive feedback on the job-front because of the service of others, people that hardly knew us, but were willing to help out over and over again.

4. Don't dream of prestige, but work to be the person people want to work with.

5. Love what you can about each day.

6. Family really is there to help and is always helpful when you let them be.

7. Set your expectations high.

8. Always trust that there is something greater in the end.

April 2010

These sound cliche, but they are true. I will learn these lessons over and over again I am sure, but I am grateful for the year I had to focus on them.

Right now all of our stuff from New York is sitting in a moving truck outside our new apartment. I'm thrilled to have it here, but it also makes me want to cry. That is the last of our stuff that was in New York. In so many ways those things belong in New York. We belong in New York. I also want to cry because I am happy it is all over for now. We made it through. Because we have been blessed in so many ways we know we really belong right where we are. Skyler loves his work. I love having him come home to our own place. We love that we can trust that we are where we should be.

September 2010

I am pretty sure this next year will bring a new set of lessons to be learned...

Calvin and Hobbes...

Some of you may know that my husband is a kid at heart, yes, it is true. There is proof. He reads comics everyday. Everyday. It is one of those silly things about him that I adore. I frequently hear him laugh out loud as he reads and it always brings a smile to my face. I love that he still finds pleasure in silly things.

Today I was cleaning up the desktop on our computer because I am a bit OCD about not having things saved to the desktop. While doing so I ran across this comic:

Do you think Skyler was trying to tell me something?! We are in the middle of a move, which means we are living out of suitcases at the twinhome and aren't bothering to unpack knowing that we will be in our new apartment Thursday. So yeah, to put it lightly, this place needs some attention. I suppose this means I should start picking up and re-packing for the move tomorrow. Or I could gripe for the next hour ;)

(Truth be told, I'm sure Skyler didn't mean anything by this but that he just wanted to give me a good laugh. It worked, Honey, and now I will laugh as I pack. I love you!!)

SLC...

You read that right! We are in Salt Lake City for at least the next year. Skyler has taken a clerkship with the bankruptcy court. We moved last Thursday the 12th after accepting the job on Tuesday the 10th and Skyler started work on Monday the 16th. Skyler is loving his work while Savvy and I are enjoying the fun of furniture shopping and making a home. It was a quick move and we are slowing beginning to plan our lives for at least the next year. What could be more exciting than a plan is to the Tanners :)

I promise to write more regularly now that I won't be spending my computer time hunting for a job. We are bound to have many adventures so don't give up on me quite yet!

The finishing touch...

This morning was full of excitement as Skyler headed for an interview in Seattle. At 8 o'clock he called to let me know that he was on his way to the interview early because he needed to stop by a local men's store because he had forgotten to pack cuff links for his french-cuff shirt (oops). I started to kick in to "fix-it" mode. As I expected, the business clothing store wasn't open before 10am, but Sky's interview was at 9am. Since cuff links can be tough to find we were even willing to buy a dress shirt, but there is a trick to cities, the stores open later than in the suburbs and a quick stop at Fred Meyer or Target wasn't possible.

I started calling every store I know in the downtown area just hoping there would be a boutique or by chance an early morning sale that might solve the problem. But that wasn't what happened. I was lucky enough to have a human being answer the phone at the Banana Republic men's store in downtown. I was thrilled. She told me that they weren't open until 10am, but after I quickly told her the predicament and asked if she could suggest a store that might be open, she responded politely and said she was happy to help. It just turned out that she was there early because she had been out of town and was trying to catch-up. She let me know where to send Skyler so he could come in the employee entrance and she would be able to help him from there. Talk about customer service! He was there at 8:30 and out in time to make it to his interview, cuff links and all, 5 minutes early.

Now I have more than my expensive preference to make me feel loyal to Banana Republic. I love it when people are willing to help and will even go out of their way to do so. I'm not sure of the gals name, but she made my day! To top it off, the parking garage didn't charge Skyler the $5 to park for the few minutes he needed to run into the store. Someone thought it was important for Skyler's morning to go smoothly!

I know this sounded like one of the "seriously so blessed" blog posts, but oh well. It was one of those mornings and we needed it. It isn't the most exciting thing to be looking for a career move after thinking you had a five-year plan in the bag just a few months ago. But life takes detours and there are always lessons to be learned. Here's to hoping we are learning what we need to along the way!

Savannah & Neo...

On Wednesday evening I was playing catch with the dog, Neo, while Savannah watched carefully from Grandma Larsen's lap. As soon as Neo was distracted and I was done playing Savannah went for the ball so it could be her turn. This is what happened...

They played for over 30 minutes taking turns back and forth. It was great to see Neo be so calm and soft with Savannah and Savannah just loved teasing him with the ball!

A Mother...

It is difficult to express how grateful I am to be a mother. Being the mother of Savannah and being Skyler's companion in parenthood has been amazing. Skyler read a poem in his talk in church on Mother's Day that I think defined very well the feelings of motherhood and the responsibilities that we bear to help our babies reach their greatest potential.

Help me dear Lord, as a mother, I pray
And bless these hands folded in prayer today;
May they be ever strong as they guide, as they teach,
Beings never too far for a child to reach.
May they never, with selfishness, try to dissuade,
Nor too quickly punish, nor too slowly aid.
May they point out the pleasures in laughter and song,
And may they show, wisely, the right from the wrong,
So that one day I'll know that I've helped all I can
To make her a woman, to make him a man.
-Mary Loberg

It takes great love and strength to strive to be a mother each day. Yet, each day I look at my baby girl and love her more than I did the day before. I am fervently grateful to be the mother of my Savannah Madelyn.

4 year anniversary...

We celebrated our anniversary in April and had a wonderful surprise trip to make it all the more exciting!

Our anniversary fell on a Wednesday, but on Tuesday afternoon we found out that a firm in NYC wanted to interview Skyler on Friday. I wasn't too concerned that Skyler would be gone for the "big day" because even though we have only been married for 4 years, we don't seem to celebrate on the actual day because of finals and all of that jazz, so I just anticipated a nice date when he came back home. But I should have known that my husband is better than that. After finding out he would be in NYC Skyler sent me a sweet text asking me if I would accompany him to NYC for the week. Umm, yes! I was thrilled! So we bought tickets to NYC the night before we flew out, crazy, but it is always fun to be spontaneous!

reading on the plane.........our old block in NYC....... Savvy enjoying the ride

We were in NYC from Wednesday evening until Saturday afternoon, so not long, but it only took two minutes of being in the city to remind us why we want to be there. We were able to stay with Gary & Mel and loved being back in their living room (oh the good 'ole days). Chandler, the great uncle, took a bus from Boston to meet up with us (okay, probably just to see Savvy) on Thursday and Nick was even able to join us on Friday night. We packed a lot of fun into those three days!

Skyler also logged some hard hours interviewing. A trip that started with one interview on Thursday and another on Friday ended with one on Thursday and three on Friday! We are very grateful that the firms were interested in meeting with him and hope that he will be flying back again soon!

resting in Bryant Park

Our anniversary ended with a surprise hotel stay in Phoenix. On our way back from NYC we had a layover in Phoenix that was overbooked. We can't refuse free flight vouchers, so we stayed the night at a hotel and enjoyed the rest of our surprise vacation.

It was a great way to celebrate our marriage and enjoy the "season of our lives." Savannah was a great traveler and loved the many things to see in NYC and especially enjoyed all of the attention from friends, family, and strangers. Skyler and I loved being able to show Savannah the city and sharing all of the excitement with her. Most of all, Skyler and I enjoyed being together and supporting each other during this time. There really are times in your life when you can choose to make your marriage stronger or let life take over, this is one of those times and we have clearly chosen to make it stronger. Loving each other during the chaos of life is exciting and makes life seem to be an adventure rather than a chore.

April 2006

I wouldn't have preferred to spend the last four years with anyone else in the world. These years have been the best of my life and I can only see life getting better. Skyler is my best friend, support, and companion.

Sky, I earnestly love and adore you! Thank you for asking me to be your wife.

April 2010

Lessons remembered...

Today is one of those days that I am reminded that sometimes life is good, but it isn't always the best of times. Life isn't crappy, but sometimes life is hard. At BYU I had a professor that would regularly say "Life is hard, but I can do hard things." It was so cliche, but true--he could do hard things. I learned more from that professor's life and example than I did from the textbook or any of the visiting lecturers. His life was hard and he showed us all how to do hard things gracefully.

Life is hard and we can all do hard things.

Patience is my struggle in life. So many times I have struggled and thought that I have conquered "patience." I waited for Skyler to realize I am the love of his life. I completed my undergrad and graduate education without taking a breath. I waited for my baby girl to come to me. I should be an expert, right? I thought so. Now all I am waiting for is a phone call, it has been two weeks and I could go bonkers! Living in limbo isn't easy, especially when you think about it that way.

This morning I read a talk that helped me remember why we all have to learn patience, and why some of us have to learn it over and over again. This is what struck me most, "patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"

Now I am ready to move forward with my day with a renewed intention to actively wait, bear with fortitude, and endure well!

Each day these two make me feel as though I am the best person in the world!

On my mind...

You would think that I would have a million things on my mind right now because I have had a bit of a crazy day, but really all I can think of is this:

So to all of my Ithaca friends (and Molly in Fredericksburg and maybe even Ashley in Maryland), please go and enjoy a slice (or two or three . . .) of Wegmans Ultimate Chocolate Cake in my behalf!

I tried to ingrain its delicious decadence in my mind before we left and I swear I dream of it. I wonder if Wegmans will ever share this sweet secret, if so, I deeply hope it happens during my lifetime.

some thoughts on parenthood...

This week I have been thinking a great deal about how to raise Savannah and thought I would throw this out there and see what everyone had to say. It all started Sunday when Skyler came back into the chapel after a crazy time of trying to get Savannah to sleep. This particular time was a bit frustrating because church is three hours long, at 9 am, right during her first nap, which sets the tone for the entire day, and she just wanted to look at all of the exciting things around her. As soon as Skyler took her outside to the fresh, cool, quiet air, she went to sleep. When Sky came back in he said something to me that struck me because I have considered it many times before. He said something to the effect of "I worry about getting frustrated with her (Savannah) and making her do things she doesn't want to do. She is such a happy person and I don't want to ruin that."

Have we all had this moment? I think of this over and over some days when it is all I can do to sing to Savannah instead of scream at her for not sleeping when she needs to or not eating when she is clearly starving. This little girl doesn't want to miss a beat. I love this about her. I want to see the world like she sees it. I also had this moment as a teacher with students that just did things a little differently than I asked.

Now that you know the feeling...how do you do it? How do you train a child to be everything that they can be and to do everything that they "should" do and not ruin who they are?

Having only had Savannah for 7 months I already know that she has a joy to her that can change things. Her smile makes my everyday the best day ever. I am so sad when I think of the things in the world that are going to hurt her and the terrible things she has to learn. How can I help her to always be who she naturally is and never lose her positive outlook on life? I want to always see her beautiful smile, the smile that brightens the day of the random people we meet and that has definitely changed our lives forever.

the beach...

I love the beach. It very well may be my favorite place on earth. I am partial to the Oregon Coast and feel most at home with the salty fresh air, cold water, and constant wind. I just can't think of a better place to be though Skyler does tell me that warm beaches win by far. I will know someday, but there is just something about walking barefoot in the sand on the Oregon Coast that makes me feel like there isn't a care in the world.

Last Saturday we took advantage of the shining sun and made our way to the beach. I was simply giddy at the idea of taking Savannah to the beach for the first time. She loved seeing all of the new things and seemed to be the happiest baby on earth (as she does most days). Savannah loved watching all of the dogs play and the other little kids hanging out on the sand. Best of all, Savannah loved touching the sand and she even let me put her feet in the ocean water.

Savannah's first time in the sand . . .

We all enjoyed fantastic food throughout the day and had the best crab I could imagine for lunch. We spent the afternoon walking up and down the coast and relaxed on the sand letting the unexpected February sun thaw us out a bit. Skyler and I were even able to enjoy a few romantic moments throughout the day. Skyler was especially happy to be taking a break and was thrilled to see his two girls so happy. Maybe we will end up living on the coast someday . . .

shopping obsessions update...

This post is for my friends that I love to shop with and were so sweetly interested in my new shoes! I thought I would let you know that my shoes came and I absolutely LOVE them. Both pairs fit perfectly and are of fantastic leather. There is no way I could have bought leather boots anywhere else for that price and been so happy! Skyler gave me the boots for one of my Valentine's gifts and I was so happy about them that I found a way to wear them to church. Skyler said I looked like I came out of a magazine (don't worry, he is incredibly biased, luckily). I will continue to do my part to keep Piperlime in business now and will always recommend them...I even took the time to write a review on their site.

Now we are waiting for another shoe delivery. Savannah has used the remainder of her Christmas money on some new fancy shoes. She has really narrow feet (like me) so I am hoping that these will work well for her. There are two twin girls (Karlee's beautiful nieces) at church that wear this brand of shoes and they look like they might work for Savannah. Let's hope that our shoe luck continues!

shopping obsessions...

I love boots...in fact I just love shoes. Boots and wedges are the current "must-have" in my head right now. I took a risk and bought some online at Piperlime. I just couldn't find what I wanted at a reasonable price in the stores. So now I am sitting here waiting anxiously for them to arrive. I sure hope they are what I am dreaming of! They do have free return shipping so that is comforting.

What do you think?
(other than that I am ridiculous, I know that already!)