Popcorn...

It is one of my vices. I love popcorn, especially popcorn made at home on the stove. We have been out of popcorn for the last few weeks. Yes, that is a big deal considering I have been known to eat a bowl of popcorn several nights a week (don't ask about the size of the bowl). Now that we haven't had popcorn I have wanted it even more. There have been a handful of nights that I have considered running to the store, but then reminded myself that I don't necessarily need the calories so I have just guzzled a glass of water instead. I didn't realize the withdrawals I was experiencing until Sunday night. That night I probably fell asleep thinking about the salty-buttery-deliciousness that I crave, because around 2 o'clock in the morning I woke up Skyler in a panic. Was the baby crying? No. Was there a burglar? No. I said to him, in my sleep, "I need popcorn, can you get me some?" We both took a minute to come to. When we realized what had happened we chuckled, said "Really?", then we rolled over. Shortly after Savvy woke to save me from myself.

I bought a bag of kernels today. Hopefully we will all sleep more soundly.

Amazon...

I love amazon.com and I'm pretty sure I have shared that bit about myself before, so it comes as no surprise. But thanks to a tip from a friend we will now even be loyal to Amazon for Savvy's regular necessities through Amazon Mom. We just signed up this week, but my first purchase made it clear that it was awesome. You get 30% off of diapers and free Amazon Prime shipping, which is always only two-day shipping. Plus, you can have the diapers automatically ordered according to how often you go through a box. I'm pretty excited to not have to make a late night run to the grocery story for over-priced diapers. I will have a fresh box of diapers delivered to doorstep tomorrow. Sometimes you have to appreciate the little things!

Walker...

We have a walker on our hands. She is officially a pro. We aren't sure what triggered the sudden confidence, whether it was the hard-soled Sunday shoes or seeing all the other kids at church, but we are proud to say that Savvy has been walking solo all day today and yesterday.

Sunday

Monday

Can you believe this little girl is growing up?! All of a sudden I feel like I have a lot of memories to write down so I don't forget how darling she has been as our little girl. I must say, she is absolutely darling!

making zucchini bread Tuesday, September 21st

Well visit...

If your opinions of medicine and doctors are different than mine, please don't be offended by this post. I promise I respect you and your ways. This is a mommy-therapy session of sorts :)

Today Savannah has her first official doctors appointment since she was 2 weeks old. Judge as you will, but I promise she has all of her immunizations (that's another judgment call) and has been a healthy child. We haven't had insurance that would cover well visits for the last year and we did not want to spend $300 for a doctor to tell us she was healthy and then have her catch a cold from being in an office with sick children. But I know, she is little, and some days I was really close to spending as much as it would take to get a pat on the back from a physician, then I would take a deep breath and she would eat a ton and we were fine. I've always charted her growth, she has never lost weight, she has frequently been seen at a small clinic for immunizations, and I've always been aware of the developmental milestones in case there were to be a concern.

Background

In the hospital we had the most amazing perinatologist, Satish, that made me feel confident in being a mother. Then when Savvy was only a few days old we went to the pediatrician, of course the one recommended by Satish wasn't available, so we went to the one they put us with. She was a beast. Nagged me for giving my baby a pacifier, which I had requested against, but the nurse in NICU gave it to her and I wasn't about to take it away. Then she nagged me about not waking Savvy every 2 hours, when Satish had given me different instructions that I was following, and then she told me that my milk was great and my baby was healthy and gaining right on schedule. Yeah, I was confused too. And bitter. Then I asked around with my mom friends and heard their similar horror stories from appointments with this person.

Then at two weeks I thought Savvy had thrush so I took her in and requested a different doctor this time. They gave me Dr. Uphoff. She was decent, but again told me that my baby was little, yes I knew that, and that she needed to eat more. Okay, but I had just had a dietitian friend tell me that she was doing great. Then of course she said that her weight gain was right one schedule. Then the doctor told me that the thrush would clear up on its own by morning because it wasn't a severe bought, but then she prescribed medicine for Savannah to take several times a day for a couple of weeks. Why give her medicine if it is going to go away on its own? I wasn't sure, but I was a nervous mom so I bought it, gave the medicine to her twice and in the morning it was gone. Though I was told to give it to her for several weeks, I never did it again--judgment call.

So what does this all mean?! Doctors are human beings that judge frequently based on opinions and you need to find a right fit for you, your family and your ideals of medicine. I understand that opinions are a part of the medical field, but if it is just your humble opinion that I am a bad mother, keep it to yourself, because with the hormones raging in a new mother, there is no way the mother is going to feel adequate about herself and her skills if you tell her she sucks at it all.

Satish gave me the best advice: wake her gently to nurse, cuddle her, love her, and she will nurse when she needs it and monitor her growth. I did that. I have done that for 14 months now and I have a happy, social, smarty-pants, healthy, bundle of joy. Let's just hope the doctor today agrees with me.

The anxiety of being a mother can be so ridiculous some days. Please tell me I'm not alone in my stress ;)

Task at hand...

Today, while my baby does this,

I get to do this.

Four years of memories and "home" just waiting to be found!

Day at the farm...

Today Savannah and I were lucky enough to meet up with our friends at a local "farm". We met up with Starla and Natalie, Jackson, and "baby-boy Shirts". It is great to be near old friends again. We all met freshman year of college at BYU, but as the years have gone by I don't think we have gone more than a year between visits with each other.

Now we just need to convince Mollie, Molly, Eevi, and Suzanna to come back for a visit :)

Love you girls!

We had a great day at the farm, but it was even better to share it with good friends. Hopefully we can make it a habit to see one another often during our time in SLC.

The last year...

I'm not sure what it means that now that the general "struggle" of the last year is over I feel like crying about it. I figured that to help me get over it all I would write it down and consider the lessons learned.

So, to start...what in the world happened anyway? A lot of people have wondered and asked and others have just wondered silently and tried to figure it out from others. So here is the story. It starts in August 2007. Beginning of Skyler's 2L year of law school. Skyler interviewed in NYC, prior to his interviews there we were mortified of the city. We approached NYC as a back up plan, because going to a New York school can more easily get you in the door to a NYC firm. So, we interviewed there. We cautiously considered all of our options, west coast, east coast, any that came our way. NYC was the ticket, there was no way around it. We both felt like it was right. It was right, no questions about it. We found the right firm which we were also positive about, the guidance couldn't be denied. We knew were signing up for the best plan for us and our family.

Fast forward to the summer of 2008 in NYC for the firm internship. Skyler LOVED it. Loved the work, loved the people he worked with, we loved NYC, we were on cloud nine. We knew we would be in NYC for at least 3-5 years after graduation and that we would love all of the adventures and challenges. Skyler agreed to begin working for the firm he interned with after taking the bar and we felt a great deal of comfort that our plan was the best plan for us.

Fall 2008 came. The economy dropped. Curse the government, curse the US people, curse who you want, but it came and it happened. The outlook for new attorneys changed. The class of 2009 waited to hear from their firms as to what would happen. Some of our friends lost contracts right away, some were deferred, some were barely postponed. January 2009: we found out that we would be deferred until January 2010. No biggie, only three months off from the original date. We decided that in August we would leave most everything in NY in a storage unit and stay with family on the west coast until we started in January. It was great to think that we were taking Savvy to spend time with family before we set off on our NYC adventure. October 2009: we were told that we would begin "sometime during the 2010 year." March 2010: we received a message saying that our check was in the mail, so sorry, but it just wasn't looking good and they didn't have work for all of the attorneys they had committed to.

So of course, when crappy things happen the first things that cross your mind are why and what did I do wrong. But you can't dwell on those things. So we moved forward. Skyler was blessed to be working for a judge in Portland, OR during the time that he was deferred and the judge was pleased to keep him on while he looked for the next career move. We were staying with my parents during the deferral to allow Skyler to work with the judge, so there was no stress for a rent payment or the like. We were blessed.

We immediately got to work. We applied here and there and it seems like everywhere. Skyler has always been good at networking and was quick to be in touch with everyone he knows. He had connections to several places, about a dozen interviews and things were promising. Each month brought at least one new lead. All the time we did the footwork to find the right job for Skyler we also prayed that we were learning the right lessons along the way. Some days were harder than others and we reverted back to asking those "why" questions. Some days were daunting as we pushed forward. Some days were exciting as we considered the possibilities.

Come August we received an exciting offer for Skyler to work for the US Bankruptcy Court in Utah. He was thrilled! We moved the next week and he began working immediately. Skyler loves his job. The judges he works with are well-renowned and he is learning a great deal each day.

So from this quick log of events what lessons were learned? Honestly, I can't always remember, which means I probably failed to learn them properly. The greatest lesson I can think is to always stand as an advocate for your spouse. Skyler needed me during that time. I needed him.

January 2010

What other lessons did I learn?

1. Toughing it out can be tough and it is tougher when you think of it that way. Those were the rough days.

2. Follow your dreams, but also consider reality. This one sounds negative, but I promise it isn't. Think about it.

3. Serve as you go. We had so much more positive feedback on the job-front because of the service of others, people that hardly knew us, but were willing to help out over and over again.

4. Don't dream of prestige, but work to be the person people want to work with.

5. Love what you can about each day.

6. Family really is there to help and is always helpful when you let them be.

7. Set your expectations high.

8. Always trust that there is something greater in the end.

April 2010

These sound cliche, but they are true. I will learn these lessons over and over again I am sure, but I am grateful for the year I had to focus on them.

Right now all of our stuff from New York is sitting in a moving truck outside our new apartment. I'm thrilled to have it here, but it also makes me want to cry. That is the last of our stuff that was in New York. In so many ways those things belong in New York. We belong in New York. I also want to cry because I am happy it is all over for now. We made it through. Because we have been blessed in so many ways we know we really belong right where we are. Skyler loves his work. I love having him come home to our own place. We love that we can trust that we are where we should be.

September 2010

I am pretty sure this next year will bring a new set of lessons to be learned...