I decided that blogging was a worthy enough cause that I could do it instead of my, supposed to be regular, Jillian Michaels routine. Can I just say for the record that I don't like her? And it totally doesn't make sense to me why they have girls acting out the modified routines that have better abs than I even had in my prime ab days. Way to make a girl feel good about her body, really! Anyway. That is off topic, but I had to tell someone in the world that would agree with me, aka, not my husband who is ridiculously sweet and biased. And for the record, I did carry Savvy on my back in a Kelty for over 3.5 miles today so I am slightly justified. Just ignore the fact that that exercise won't help my abs for the days that I am on the beach in the DR.
Moving on to the reason I chose to blog. I am noticing a trend among the blogs I read and my friends these days. Everyone is hitting various breaking points or feels like life is extra hard right now. Can I just say that there must be something in the water across the country right now? I was feeling very overwhelmed in December and again about two weeks ago. Everyone and anyone wanted me to do something for them and I didn't even feel like I was on top of my own life with trying to be Super Mom and Super Wife and everything for everyone. Why do we all strive for that when we all know it isn't necessarily obtainable? All of the women in the media that portray such are all just actresses. And the women that we gawk over on blogs (I wish I could be Pioneer Women) have their own weaknesses as well, whether they fess up or not.
There is something awe inspiring to me about women who are real. I try to be real. But I also know that deep down inside I want people to think my house is always clean, when it really isn't---I hate cleaning the tub, hate it. It is rewarding to hear that we are all human beings and have challenges and can buoy one another up during our challenges. Real life is hard. Real life sometimes feels too hard. But also real life is the most rewarding way to live. Yes I love the idea of manicures, pedicures & massages each week with a touch of exercise with a personal trainer, and endless gourmet meals, but you know what, I have amazing times when I am in my sweats on the kitchen floor with Savannah on my lap eating whatever she is in the mood to love and wants to share with me.
Yes I try to get "dolled up" every day for my husband---no it doesn't always happen. Yes I try to cook yummy/healthy meals for us all, but no it doesn't always happen. Yes I want to be back to my prime weight and toned body days, and no, it won't likely ever happen. Babies are more important to me than abs. So why on some days do I forget what my priorities are and feel so horrible for "never" being the perfect wife, mother, daughter, woman?! Because the world is a horrible place that wants us to think that we aren't good enough, ever. You know why, because sadly the world isn't willing to let the "good" overrule the "bad". Such a sad truth, but the more I don't watch tv, the more I don't shop, the more I don't compare myself to others, the happier I am. The key to happiness does not lie within the media (news, blogs, style, etc), or the suggestions of the general public, it just doesn't. I'm writing this down to remind myself. You can take it or leave it. But man do I feel better when I watch the Will.i.am Sesame Street song instead of shopping online. No, I don't think there is anything wrong with being attentive to your looks and doing your best to look beautiful and always striving to be better, but I know there is something wrong with feeling like you aren't pretty or good enough.
I want my daughter to know this more than anything. And you know what, I am so afraid I will fail at teaching her this. I don't have the best track record for self-confidence. I had horrible self-confidence as a teen and barely started to make my way back to positive thinking before I met Skyler in 2004. I hope I can fight off the negativity around me and protect my children and help them know that they are beautiful and amazingly talented in everything they do, even if they aren't Super ____, at various times in life.
This has been on my mind regularly, since mid-undergrad, but it comes to the forefront so often now that I have a child, so I need to have record of it. The world is a harsh and sad place and I want my children to know that they are valued and that we seek after perfection and long-term life improvement, but that at times weakness can be a blessing. If nothing else, a blessing of self-reflection, which in itself, can at times be life changing.
I appreciate all of the people in my life that have been "real" with me. Those people are my best friends, whether I have known them for years or only days, they are the people I turn to.
