Moving on to the reason I chose to blog. I am noticing a trend among the blogs I read and my friends these days. Everyone is hitting various breaking points or feels like life is extra hard right now. Can I just say that there must be something in the water across the country right now? I was feeling very overwhelmed in December and again about two weeks ago. Everyone and anyone wanted me to do something for them and I didn't even feel like I was on top of my own life with trying to be Super Mom and Super Wife and everything for everyone. Why do we all strive for that when we all know it isn't necessarily obtainable? All of the women in the media that portray such are all just actresses. And the women that we gawk over on blogs (I wish I could be Pioneer Women) have their own weaknesses as well, whether they fess up or not.
There is something awe inspiring to me about women who are real. I try to be real. But I also know that deep down inside I want people to think my house is always clean, when it really isn't---I hate cleaning the tub, hate it. It is rewarding to hear that we are all human beings and have challenges and can buoy one another up during our challenges. Real life is hard. Real life sometimes feels too hard. But also real life is the most rewarding way to live. Yes I love the idea of manicures, pedicures & massages each week with a touch of exercise with a personal trainer, and endless gourmet meals, but you know what, I have amazing times when I am in my sweats on the kitchen floor with Savannah on my lap eating whatever she is in the mood to love and wants to share with me.
Yes I try to get "dolled up" every day for my husband---no it doesn't always happen. Yes I try to cook yummy/healthy meals for us all, but no it doesn't always happen. Yes I want to be back to my prime weight and toned body days, and no, it won't likely ever happen. Babies are more important to me than abs. So why on some days do I forget what my priorities are and feel so horrible for "never" being the perfect wife, mother, daughter, woman?! Because the world is a horrible place that wants us to think that we aren't good enough, ever. You know why, because sadly the world isn't willing to let the "good" overrule the "bad". Such a sad truth, but the more I don't watch tv, the more I don't shop, the more I don't compare myself to others, the happier I am. The key to happiness does not lie within the media (news, blogs, style, etc), or the suggestions of the general public, it just doesn't. I'm writing this down to remind myself. You can take it or leave it. But man do I feel better when I watch the Will.i.am Sesame Street song instead of shopping online. No, I don't think there is anything wrong with being attentive to your looks and doing your best to look beautiful and always striving to be better, but I know there is something wrong with feeling like you aren't pretty or good enough.
I want my daughter to know this more than anything. And you know what, I am so afraid I will fail at teaching her this. I don't have the best track record for self-confidence. I had horrible self-confidence as a teen and barely started to make my way back to positive thinking before I met Skyler in 2004. I hope I can fight off the negativity around me and protect my children and help them know that they are beautiful and amazingly talented in everything they do, even if they aren't Super ____, at various times in life.
This has been on my mind regularly, since mid-undergrad, but it comes to the forefront so often now that I have a child, so I need to have record of it. The world is a harsh and sad place and I want my children to know that they are valued and that we seek after perfection and long-term life improvement, but that at times weakness can be a blessing. If nothing else, a blessing of self-reflection, which in itself, can at times be life changing.
I appreciate all of the people in my life that have been "real" with me. Those people are my best friends, whether I have known them for years or only days, they are the people I turn to.
2 comments:
I hate cleaning the tub too! I leave it until we have company coming and then only in the bathroom they will be in. Now that I have the perspective of an old mom I can tell you that you have the right idea--enjoy the time you have while they are growing up--it goes too fast! (I found your blog from your fb--hope you don't think I'm a stalker :)
I get what you're saying. It's tough to be a wife and mother. It's even tougher (easier in some ways) to be a Mormon mommy. The blogging world has made the illusion of blissful living way more believable. And I agree, it is easy to look at some of those blogs and feel like a joke. (not that those are the words you use, just how I feel sometimes) Back down in reality (Hi welcome back)the only thing that matters is what we have entrusted in our children that day, that hour, that minute. I don't think it all needs to be this well planned out perfect day, or as some say, blog worthy.
Taylor and I were just reading the article from Julie Beck out of the Ensign last night. Teaching The Doctrine Of The Family. As I was reading your post I remembered a part of the talk. Beck says, "Satan knows that he will never have a body; he will never have a family. So he targets young women, who will create the bodies for the future generations." What better way to keep (good) mothers from having more children than by creating this false idea of a perfect family. The "perfect" woman, wife, mother that Satan wants us to think is correct, is a far cry from what the Lord thinks is a worthy woman, mother, wife.
Anyway, I'm sure you already know all this. But like you said it feels good to write it out. If anything a good thing for me to reread when feeling... overwhelmed.
Seriously though, you are amazing. Now, don't go getting all big headed with this comment but, you are one of those people I have to remind myself not to compare to. ;)
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