The good days...

Savannah is ridiculously fun these days. A couple of weeks ago she was quite off-track with her sleep schedule and wasn't her happiest generally, as teething and learning to share can be quite difficult for toddlers. However, I swear she is living life on cloud-nine this week.

A successful attempt at soothing a hungry but teething Savannah.

Here are a few fun moments from our life right now:

-This morning Skyler was still home when Savannah woke so he went in to get her and change her diaper while I kept doing my hair. As he finished dressing her he said "Do you want to see Mama?" she immediately came running out of her room as I stepped out of the bathroom simultaneously and we both had our eyes wide with joy and our hands clasped in the exact same way.

-This week as we read scriptures I saw Savannah sign "Jesus" for the first time. I didn't even know she was paying much attention as I had used the sign with her. She is cute to sign and say "Zezzus" and point to pictures now.

-As soon as we saw the courthouse from the train stop this afternoon Savannah signed "Daddy".

-Savannah loves babies now that I have been babysitting a newborn a few days a week. She is regularly holding her own doll as I care for the baby and is always eager to hold the baby when she isn't crying.

Savvy & Lily

-Savannah twirls to show you her outfit if you say "Wow, you look beautiful" after you dress her. I love the confidence!

-The toddler boy I babysit is quite good at loudly saying "roar" if you say "lion" or "tiger" and so Savannah learned the sound from him, but her "roar" is super quiet and timid. She also says "ah, ah, ah" whenever she sees a monkey and pounds her chest with sound effects when she sees any gorilla pictures.

-Savannah loves to help me with everything I do and yesterday she wanted to use a paper towel to help clean up a mess she made so I gave her one and as soon as the she finished helping me she proceeded to wipe down all of our kitchen appliances. She then asked me for a few more paper towels and "cleaned" the floor as I continued to make dinner.

-We have a marshmallow girl on our hands. I claim no responsibility; if you recall, Skyler started it when she was not even 8 months old. Each morning this week she has run to the pantry and pointed to the Lucky Charms while signing "please." It is a good thing I love to see her smile and that they will only be on sale for a short time.

-A few weeks ago we bought a night light for Savannah's room and now each night when Skyler puts her to sleep she "chases" the shadow on the wall like a regular Peter Pan. It is adorable to watch and she gets a crack out of it!

Checking out her shadow at the park

Ramblings about real life...

I decided that blogging was a worthy enough cause that I could do it instead of my, supposed to be regular, Jillian Michaels routine. Can I just say for the record that I don't like her? And it totally doesn't make sense to me why they have girls acting out the modified routines that have better abs than I even had in my prime ab days. Way to make a girl feel good about her body, really! Anyway. That is off topic, but I had to tell someone in the world that would agree with me, aka, not my husband who is ridiculously sweet and biased. And for the record, I did carry Savvy on my back in a Kelty for over 3.5 miles today so I am slightly justified. Just ignore the fact that that exercise won't help my abs for the days that I am on the beach in the DR.

Moving on to the reason I chose to blog. I am noticing a trend among the blogs I read and my friends these days. Everyone is hitting various breaking points or feels like life is extra hard right now. Can I just say that there must be something in the water across the country right now? I was feeling very overwhelmed in December and again about two weeks ago. Everyone and anyone wanted me to do something for them and I didn't even feel like I was on top of my own life with trying to be Super Mom and Super Wife and everything for everyone. Why do we all strive for that when we all know it isn't necessarily obtainable? All of the women in the media that portray such are all just actresses. And the women that we gawk over on blogs (I wish I could be Pioneer Women) have their own weaknesses as well, whether they fess up or not.

There is something awe inspiring to me about women who are real. I try to be real. But I also know that deep down inside I want people to think my house is always clean, when it really isn't---I hate cleaning the tub, hate it. It is rewarding to hear that we are all human beings and have challenges and can buoy one another up during our challenges. Real life is hard. Real life sometimes feels too hard. But also real life is the most rewarding way to live. Yes I love the idea of manicures, pedicures & massages each week with a touch of exercise with a personal trainer, and endless gourmet meals, but you know what, I have amazing times when I am in my sweats on the kitchen floor with Savannah on my lap eating whatever she is in the mood to love and wants to share with me.

Yes I try to get "dolled up" every day for my husband---no it doesn't always happen. Yes I try to cook yummy/healthy meals for us all, but no it doesn't always happen. Yes I want to be back to my prime weight and toned body days, and no, it won't likely ever happen. Babies are more important to me than abs. So why on some days do I forget what my priorities are and feel so horrible for "never" being the perfect wife, mother, daughter, woman?! Because the world is a horrible place that wants us to think that we aren't good enough, ever. You know why, because sadly the world isn't willing to let the "good" overrule the "bad". Such a sad truth, but the more I don't watch tv, the more I don't shop, the more I don't compare myself to others, the happier I am. The key to happiness does not lie within the media (news, blogs, style, etc), or the suggestions of the general public, it just doesn't. I'm writing this down to remind myself. You can take it or leave it. But man do I feel better when I watch the Will.i.am Sesame Street song instead of shopping online. No, I don't think there is anything wrong with being attentive to your looks and doing your best to look beautiful and always striving to be better, but I know there is something wrong with feeling like you aren't pretty or good enough.

I want my daughter to know this more than anything. And you know what, I am so afraid I will fail at teaching her this. I don't have the best track record for self-confidence. I had horrible self-confidence as a teen and barely started to make my way back to positive thinking before I met Skyler in 2004. I hope I can fight off the negativity around me and protect my children and help them know that they are beautiful and amazingly talented in everything they do, even if they aren't Super ____, at various times in life.

This has been on my mind regularly, since mid-undergrad, but it comes to the forefront so often now that I have a child, so I need to have record of it. The world is a harsh and sad place and I want my children to know that they are valued and that we seek after perfection and long-term life improvement, but that at times weakness can be a blessing. If nothing else, a blessing of self-reflection, which in itself, can at times be life changing.

I appreciate all of the people in my life that have been "real" with me. Those people are my best friends, whether I have known them for years or only days, they are the people I turn to.

Me...

I spent over 15 mins explaining to Skyler how exhausted I am from my head cold this week and being ridiculously busy all week. 4 out of 5 days babysitting with a cold isn't the most relaxing thing a gal could do.

Moments later...I had homemade cream puffs in the oven.

And I feel better!

Yeah, it doesn't make sense. I'm sure glad I don't have to explain myself and my randomness to my sweet husband. He just consumes gratefully and compliments graciously. Savvy isn't complaining either :)

Suppose I just needed time to "do my own thing."

Thank you for the "me" time.

January...

This last month was full of fun and seemed to fly by most days. Here's a quick review...

One of our new year resolutions is to go on more pre-planned dates. I'm loving this one! We have enjoyed a temple trip, dinner with friends, and even a night at the symphony. It is crazy how much a date can make all the difference to the week when you are looking forward to the next date and reflecting on that last. Give it a try, I promise it is worth the extra hassle of finding a babysitter and swapping with friends.

Skyler has been working diligently and has had quite a few fun cases as of late. We are really enjoying this stage where he is home often and he is loving the behind-the-scenes work of the court.

Savvy is a helper on overdrive these days. Though it does make some projects take 20 mins rather than 5, it is a blast to see her be so attentive and excited. She helps me with dinner most every night and I can't sweep without her wanting her apron and broom.

I have begun babysitting 2-3 days a week for a close friend that is trying to finish her schooling. Adding a 19-month-old boy and a 5-week-old girl makes the dynamics of our mornings completely different. I have worked with a great deal of toddlers in my life and seeing the difference between Savvy and this little boy is striking. They love each other and are learning all sorts of fun things. He now gives hugs and kisses and Savvy is beginning to experiment with climbing.

What else...

1. Skyler has been called to be 2nd counselor in the Elders Quorum in our reassigned ward.

2. I now attend book club meetings--great way to give myself something enjoyable to do for free time.

3. Started pilates again--another great refresher.

4. We have tickets for our family trip to the Dominican Republic.

5. Took Savvy on her first snow-tubing adventure.

6. Enjoyed a great visit from the Transtrum's and the Lee's. Can't get enough of our Ithaca friends. Keep making treks to the West so we can see you all! We even had dinner with the J. Adamson family that now live nearby. (Maybe this was a great month because it was full of "Ithaca")

7. Started up the job search for a firm position beginning Fall of 2011, if it is right, that is a necessary caveat.

8. Discovered an amazing bakery within 1.5 blocks of our apartment...that is a dangerous thing! And completely note-worthy.

9. Had an amazing menu for our family meals this month. I am realizing more and more that I find my fulfillment in pleasing others with food. It is my own love language. Lately this has sparked many dreams where I find myself designing my perfect kitchen. *Don't tell Skyler, I've tried to keep this a secret*

10. In the last week Savvy has learned to sign "dog", "bird", and "where" and she even "moo"ed for us last night (she rarely vocalizes animal sounds, she is all about signing).

11. To have an honest account of life, Savvy has also learned to take her rare tantrums to the next level. Last Saturday she cried and screamed for 15+ mins because she couldn't sit on her Uncle Kesler's lap during dinner.

12. Savannah has recently graduated to nursery (insert cheering here) and thus far hasn't even noticed that we are missing for those 2 hours. Though we are still new parents and check on her a few times during meetings we are loving that we can enjoy lessons undisturbed. I'm trying to not be offended that she doesn't seem to mind the break from us.

13. One of my favorite things right now is that Savannah grabs my finger and guides to whatever she wants or needs. We even just walk circles around the house if she merely wants my attention. She loves holding both Mama and Daddy's hands when we are at a store.

14. Savvy can now bring you any one of her 30+ books if you simply say the title or the first line. I love quizzing her with this game. It is our favorite. Her favorite books are "Read to Your Bunny", "A Book of Hugs", "The Very Hungry Caterpillar", "Time for Bed", "The Snowy Day" (okay, there are too many, I'll just stop the list here).

It is rare that this girl doesn't have a book within reach when we are at home.

Other than that I'm feeling a huge urge to start a craft, with what time I'm not sure, but maybe it will happen. Easter dresses? Amy Butler is calling my name...

It has begun...

Eating tons all by herself, right after a great nap.
Tuesday, Dec. 21st

After writing the last post I have received a handful of questions wondering what I decided to do. Honestly, until yesterday, my choices/preferences were all over the map. Some days I was going to nurse her 'til who-knows-when, other days I was going to take a week off and let her wean herself. I have honestly been dreading weaning Savannah since she was born. I understand nursing isn't for everyone, but it was wonderful for me and Savannah and I put a lot of effort into preparing to nurse prior to her birth so I am very grateful we have gone these 17 months enjoying nursing. (Trust me, we had our days, but it was fabulous overall.)

I have been monitoring Savannah's whole milk intake and have been trying to give her all sorts of fun new stuff (peach flavored Kefir, chocolate coconut milk, you name it she has probably tried it, or carried it in her sippy at least). In the last week and a half she has increased her interest in whole milk. Whether she just decided I didn't have enough for her, she got sick of trying new things and chose the least odd thing, or she was just ready all of a sudden, I don't know, but she has started to take it from me even so we are pleased. This gave me the go-ahead.

Add to the mix that Savannah slept horribly, which is absolutely not normal for her, last week for a few days. Now I knew something had to change. Savannah was expressing increased separation anxiety and was extra clingy to me for the last few days as well. I could tell that our little "talks" about mommy milk going away and not having more to share were making her ask for milk more often and seeming to stress her a bit. So I had to build up my courage and just make the change. It took a few personal pep-talks and tears.

Yesterday marked the day that I could take time to fully focus on her and set a new routine. We are now in full swing. She is not nursing at all. She has a "snuggly" that we made a big deal of last night and she read three books before bed. She fussed when I left the room and she was just with Sky for cuddle-time. Overall it took 45 mins of crying on-and-off and going in to console her, but it was much better than the chaos I expected. I wasn't tempted to just give in and nurse, she actually didn't even ask (she signs "milk") as I held her, and she was able to hold on to her "snuggle" and sippy cup and soothe herself to sleep.

Not only is this a big transition for Savvy, but she is also ready for one nap rather than two. I've been balancing my days and just going with the flow and letting some days be two nap days and others be one nap days, but if we are going to mess with the system we need a set routine so she can expect and anticipate what is happening next. She is definitely a baby that generally lives by and needs routine. We have pulled that off today as well.

I'm happy to report that we survived last night without any battle wounds, thanks to Skyler and him waking with Savvy at midnight and 2 am for a few minutes each time, and today's nap has started out splendidly--hence the ability to blog. We did the same routine as last night for her nap by reading three books, grabbing "snuggles" and then singing one song. She fussed for less than one minute as I walked out of the room and has now been sleeping/silent for 30 minutes. It might seem silly, but this was a little miracle for us. Now that she has responded so well today I will have the courage to stick with it if tonight or tomorrow don't go as smoothly.

I know sleep schedules and routines aren't for everyone. For us, we have used the same routine with Savannah since she was 4 months old and never changed it 'til yesterday. It rocked my boat a bit, but I think the change will help her grow more and become a big girl. I just had to convince myself that it would be best for her and that I'm ready to let her grow up a bit. I think I am ready for that. . .

Savvy loves to help me in the kitchen--entertaining herself with the spices while I made dinner.
Sunday, Dec. 19th

It is funny how children affect us. As I was pregnant I was so scared to have a little baby that was so dependent on me. I had worked with toddlers and was comfortable with them, but infants were never my thing. I would joke with Skyler that I needed our Savvy to come out as a toddler. Now here I am, trying not to cry, because my little girl isn't a little baby anymore. She is a toddler in every way with her own opinions and thoughts and is ready to explore the world. Now I just want to hold her tight and keep her little for a bit longer.

Are we ready...?

This is a "ladies only" post if you are a guy and uncomfortable with breast feeding. Cause that is what this is all about.

I have found myself in a pickle with Savannah. You all know she is a light-weight and just plain skinny. She is average on height. She is doing great developmentally, so the doctor says there is no reason to be stressed about her weight, but there is a pressure to the whole deal for me.

I have nursed Savannah on-demand her entire life. And I still am. We night-weaned her about a month ago and it lasted about 2 or 3 weeks, but then we hit a bump in the road (cutting teeth) and reverted back to letting her nurse at night. I love nursing her but I worry that she is so insistent on nursing that she isn't getting the calories she needs elsewhere. She always carries a sippy-cup around with her, most anywhere she goes, but she only drinks from one if it has water in it. She hates everything else. She will take a sip of whatever the concoction of the day is, give a sour-faced expression, and then carry it around for the day without taking another drink.

I'm wanting to wean Savannah now for a few reasons, none of which I think are "selfish" on my part, but I don't want to take away the one thing she gets regular calories from. The trick is, I don't think I'm getting much milk these days, enough to satisfy, but not likely enough to keep up with the pace of growth that she should have at this point. But we both like nursing so much. It is a comfort for both of us and a bonding experience that I don't want to cut-off in a negative way.

That is my venting session and now I will get to the point. How did you decide to wean your children? I feel a bit stuck because Savvy hates bottles, never taken one, and she is picky about only drinking water, zero calories. On a lucky day she drinks juice that has been diluted with water, but never when I have mixed it with milk. Soy milk and rice milk don't have the necessary calories. She won't even taste Kefir. Coconut milk was good for two sips, but that is all. Chocolate and strawberry milk haven't passed the test either. What do you suggest I do to supplement her breast milk intake when we wean? Were your kids ever this picky? How do I get her to eat more from other sources?

I've never really planned to stop nursing at a certain age, but I'm worried that if I don't get her to drink something else she will not have the calories she needs. I don't want to give myself a deadline, but I'm afraid that the pressure of a deadline will help me feel motivated, but it might just make Savvy miserable. She doesn't usually have tantrums yet, but I really don't want this to be a battle of the wills cause it has been such an enjoyable experience for both of us.

You get the point. Now, what do you recommend?

Wisdom...

A large portion of what I believe is that there is great wisdom in the gospel that must be applied to everyday life. There are so many times I think to myself that I want to not only be smart, intelligent, and a good teacher, but I want to be wise in living my life every day. Today for FHE we watched this video clip and I felt overwhelmed by the comfort, strength,and truth that is available in the wisdom of the gospel. There is so much to study and learn, but so many clear and simple truths.

https://new.lds.org/general-conference/highlights/october2010?lang=eng